If you've searched for what to text your ex, you've probably found lists. Twenty texts. Fifty texts. A hundred "irresistible" messages to copy and paste.
The problem with lists is that they give you the words without the order. And with an ex, the order is almost everything. The right message sent at the wrong stage is the wrong message. A perfectly good invitation sent before he's comfortable talking to you again will get a polite no — and make the next message harder.
So this article gives you three scripts, not fifty. One to reopen contact. One to reply when he answers. And one to take things from the screen to the real world. Each comes with a fill-in-the-blanks version, some examples, the reasons it works, and — just as important — the things you must not add to it.
Use them in order. Don't skip ahead.
Before you use any of them
Two things need to be true before the first script will work.
There's been some quiet. If you've been texting him a lot since the breakup — especially if the texts have been emotional — give it at least two or three weeks of silence first. The first script only works if it feels like a fresh start, rather than the next instalment of the same conversation.
You're steady enough. If a slow reply would send you spiralling, or a no would flatten you for a week, wait. Scripts only work if you can follow the rules that come with them, and the rules are hardest when you're raw. There's no deadline here. A month from now is fine.
When both are true, you're ready.
Why the order matters
Each script does a different job, and each job has to be done before the next one is possible.
The reopener's job is to change what a message from you feels like. Right now, your name on his screen probably carries the breakup with it. One light, generous text starts to replace that association with something easier.
The warm reply's job is to make talking to you pleasant again — not once, but reliably, over several exchanges, until he stops bracing when he sees your name.
The invitation's job is to move things off the screen, where most of what makes two people want each other actually happens.
Skip the first job and the second one fails. Skip the second and the third gets a polite no. That's why the scripts come in this order, and why there's no shortcut through them.
Script 1: The reopener
When to use it: first contact after a period of quiet.
The formula: [Something you've heard or seen about his life] + [a short, warm reaction]. No question. No mention of the two of you.
Examples:
Why it works: At this stage, he's expecting one of two things from you — hurt or a request. This is neither. It's about him, not the relationship, and it's generous. It tells him you still think well of him, without asking for anything back.
It also gives him an easy reply. He can say thanks, or tell you a bit more, or just send a smiley face. None of those is awkward, and none commits him to anything.
What not to add:
Don't add "Anyway, how have you been?" That turns a gift into a conversation starter, and he'll feel the weight of it.
Don't add "Miss you", "Thinking of you" or anything similar. It changes the whole message from I'm pleased for you to I want something from you.
Don't add a question about his personal life — whether he's seeing anyone, whether he's happy. Those belong much later, if ever.
When to send it: at an ordinary hour — mid-morning, lunchtime, early evening. Not late at night, not on a date that meant something to you both, and not on his birthday.
Finding the news: you need something real to react to — a mutual friend's mention, something he's posted publicly, an event you knew was coming up. Don't go digging for it; scrolling back through his profile at midnight for material defeats the point. If nothing turns up naturally, wait until it does. And if you no longer share any world at all, use a small, real thing that reminded you of him — a song in a shop, a place you walked past — told lightly, with no question attached.
If he doesn't reply: leave it. At least three weeks. Then, if you want to, try one more reopener about something different. If that gets nothing too, stop.
Notice what Script 1 doesn't try to do. It doesn't explain how you feel, argue that the breakup was a mistake, or make any case at all. That's deliberate.
A man who's ended things has usually thought it through and reached his verdict. Anything that looks like a challenge to that verdict sends him straight back to his reasons — and reciting them to himself only makes him surer. What gets past that isn't a better argument. It's something light enough that his defences don't switch on, and a door left ajar for him to push.
That point sits underneath a free presentation made for anyone whose ex has shut the door: why the reasoning a man used to leave becomes the very thing standing in the way, why a gentle touch usually does more than a strong case, and how a single suggestion, lightly placed, can have him reopening a story he believed was finished.
See why the light touch gets through →
Script 2: The warm reply
When to use it: whenever he replies to you, for the first few weeks.
The formula: [Match his length] + [one warm detail] + [end it first].
This one is less a single message than a way of replying. It's where most women go wrong — not in what they send first, but in what they send when he answers.
Examples:
He says: "Ha, thanks! Bit nervous about it tbh."
You say: "You'll be brilliant. Break a leg."
He says: "Yeah, loving it so far. Got a ridiculous amount of beetroot."
You say: "Beetroot brownies. Trust me. Enjoy it!"
He says: "Thanks, that's really kind. How are you doing?"
You say: "Really good, thanks — busy with work, got a trip to Lisbon coming up. Glad the move went well."
Why it works: Each reply is roughly the same length as his, or a bit shorter. Each adds one small, warm thing. And each brings the exchange to a natural close — you're the one who signs off, while it's going nicely.
The sign-off is the crucial bit. Ending the conversation first, on a high, leaves him with a good feeling and a faint wish that it had gone on longer. Letting it drag on until it fizzles out leaves him with the opposite.
When he asks how you are, answer honestly and briefly, with something from your own life in it. You're not showing off; you're letting him see that you're living.
What not to add:
Don't add a question to keep it going, unless it follows very naturally. The urge to keep the conversation alive is exactly what you're trying to resist.
Don't reply instantly every time. Reply when you'd normally reply to a friend.
Don't escalate. If he sends one line, you don't send a paragraph. If he's friendly, you're friendly — not affectionate.
How long to stay here: until he starts to lead. When his messages get longer, when he starts conversations himself, when he asks you questions — that's the sign he's ready for Script 3.
Script 3: The easy invitation
When to use it: only after several relaxed exchanges, and ideally after he's started at least one conversation himself.
The formula: [Something specific you're already doing] + [an open, low-pressure invitation] + [an easy way out].
Examples:
Why it works: It's specific, so he doesn't have to plan anything or guess what you mean. It's something you're doing anyway, so it doesn't look like a date you've set up to win him back. It's easy — an hour or two, often with other people around. And it has an explicit way out, so saying no costs him nothing.
When saying no is easy, saying yes feels like a real choice. And a man who chooses to come is much more likely to enjoy it than one who feels he couldn't refuse.
What not to add:
Don't make it dinner, just the two of you, at the restaurant where you had your anniversary. That's a big emotional event dressed up as a casual invitation.
Don't add "It'd be really nice to catch up properly" or "I'd love to talk". Those words turn a fun outing into a meeting about the relationship.
Don't push if he says no. "No problem — another time!" and nothing more.
If he says yes: keep it light. Enjoy yourself. Leave while it's still going well. Don't use the time to talk about the past.
The question belongs in person
There's one thing none of the scripts include: anything about the relationship itself.
That's because the most powerful moment for that comes later, and it's not a text. It's a light, almost passing remark, made in person, once you've spent some relaxed time together — something that leaves him wondering whether the ending was really final, without asking him to decide anything.
Don't rush to it. Some couples never need it at all, because he gets there first.
The worksheet: fill in your scripts
Take a sheet of paper and write the three formulas at the top of three sections. Then fill them in.
Script 1 — Three reopeners. Write down three things you know or have heard about his life at the moment. For each, write one short, warm reaction. Choose the one that's most specific and least about you.
Script 2 — Your reply rules. Write down: Match his length. Add one warm detail. End it first. Then write two or three things from your own life right now that you could mention if he asks how you are.
Script 3 — Two invitations. Write down two things you're already planning to do in the next month that he'd enjoy. For each, write the invitation with its easy way out.
Keep the sheet somewhere private. When you're tempted to send something off-script, read it first.
What he's reaching for when he replies
If these scripts work, it won't be because the words were magic. It'll be because they made contact light, easy and pleasant again — and gave him room to start wondering for himself.
And when he does start wondering, there's usually something specific he's hoping to find on the other side of the door. The same presentation's closing stretch deals with just that: the point where his certainty that it's over starts to slip, and the instinct in him that settles whether things between you hold the second time round.
Learn what he's hoping to find →
Some honest limits.
These scripts can open a door; they can't make him walk through it. If you've tried the first one twice, several weeks apart, and heard nothing, the kindest thing for yourself is to stop.
If you've already gone off-script — sent the long message, asked the big question, followed up a silence — don't panic, and don't send another to explain. Treat it as a reset: several weeks of quiet, then start again from Script 1 as though the earlier message hadn't happened. One misstep rarely decides anything. A string of messages trying to fix the first one often does.
Be patient with Script 2, too. Most women want to reach the invitation within a week. It usually takes longer — sometimes a month or two of light exchanges — before he's comfortably leading. That isn't failure; it's the process moving at its natural speed. Keep your own weeks full while it does, so the waiting never becomes the main thing in your life.
And if he was cruel to you, controlling, or someone you feared, please don't use any of these. They're designed to reopen a door, and that's one door that should stay shut.
Otherwise: fill in the worksheet tonight. Pick your best reopener. Wait until tomorrow lunchtime. Then send it — and put your phone somewhere you can't see it.